She never talks on here :/ I thought she spoke to you more, I guess I was wrong - you always seem to know more about what's going on with her. Reading all that... I think you've eclipsed me as the mama, and for more than just Malachi. Still Opi, though :) Lordy pete, you're still Opi.

I guess I've just been thinking a lot about friendship these days and I don't feel like I've been the best friend. I worry about you, Whit. I wonder if you're quiet for the same reasons, the same emotional reasons, that I was quiet for so long. And that scares me. It makes me want to drop what little life I have here and go to Tennessee to be with you. These days I'm not even sure if you'd have me. No fault of yours, I just know how much dark moments and dark places in our lives can weigh on a friendship.

You two are special, and I'm not sure you realize how special. The two of you, and Wenxiao, you're the only friends I still have, from before I got sick. You're really the only close friends I have, period.

I started thinking about this, about friendship, in all it's many forms, last Friday, when I saw Dale. And Dale didn't see me. He looked right at me, he spoke to me, and he didn't know me. Dale. I've spent so much time wishing the people I went to school with would leave me alone, forget about me, but I never really wanted them to forget me. Just not expect things from me. Not look down on me for not being as good as them. I wanted that freedom of being in a new place and starting over, but I couldn't go, so I hoped they would forget.

I never knew how much it would hurt.

It's high school all over again. It's being abandoned and forgotten and thrown away because you're not worth the trouble. You're not worth anything.

If I'm a good friend, why did they all give up on me? Why don't I have any friends now? Why does no one care?

Whitney doesn't talk to you anymore? What do you mean? I hadn't talked to her in forever until the other day when I called. All of us are inconsistant, thats not just you, Mama. We may not have been posting on here, e-mailing, calling, etc, but that doesn't make any of us less of a friend. I know that even though Whitney hasn't posted in forever, she still loves the hell out of you and I, it makes me worry, but I still know. The same with you, when you don't post, I worry about you and wonder if you've been sick a lot, but it NEVER crosses my mind that you care less. There is nothing that would make me think you care less...you could probably say it, and I still wouldn't believe you. :) We're older now and we have more of life than we did however many years ago it was when we met. Things have happened to change us, and we might not have as much time as we used to, but that doesn't mean we don't still have that badass, unbreakable bond. I love you guys so much, I can't even believe it sometimes! The fact that we haven't seen each other for so long, and that we go so long without seeing each other, just makes us that much cooler!

Love Love Love

Oh god no! Greg's my parents age! We're friends- he's in my art class, I've been invited to various parties and he usually joins us for dinner at the Carp but *EW* No he used to just be a family friend - his (almost) ex-wife cuts my mom's hair and he's the maintenance guy at the museum - but now that I'm an 'adult' he's more of a personal friend too. His girlfriend's name is Harriet.

Flying is fine with me. I don't think the price will change much either way.

I'm... inconsistent. I'm bad at keeping in touch- writing, e-mailing, just calling people back. And even though I really try with both of you I feel like I've failed Whit especially. Maybe that's why she doesn't talk to me anymore.

Ok...did I really miss out on something? Who's Greg??

I talked to the Bug and she said she'd rather fly, but that's completely up to you guys.

You haven't been the best friend??? What the hell are you talking about. You and Whit are the ONLY two people other than Webb that I can be me with. And you, especially, have NEVER let me down. You've always been there...I only hope that I have been able to do the same for you. Love You Mama!

I'm okay with driving/flying or flying all the way down, it's really up to Whit. I had a ball with her last time, but since it's her car, she's driving, I really think it should be her decision- I'm just along for the ride. Thursday to Monday works for me. Umm. I have shoes and my hair's short enough that there isn't a whole lot you can do with it. Or it will be, I need to get it cut again, it's driving me nuts.

I need to go to friend school. And socialization school. I'm just. bad at that stuff. Even with you guys I haven't been the best friend, and I hate that. I really, really do. You two both mean so much to me and I do such a shitty job of showing it sometimes. And I'm sorry for that. *hugs*