First, the replies to all the old post since I'm an idiot and haven't been here in forever. Not because I don't love you (I very much
do love you two) I just thought everyone had abandoned it. Deborah was kind enough to inform me that was not the case.
And here I am. Ta da!
- Whitney, 9/05/05
I love to read, I do, but I've also noticed a very upsetting pattern in my reading. When I read things that are more important, I tend to get discouraged at the end and just skim. It doesn't seem to matter how long the article is, I get to that last page, that last paragraph even, and my brain starts picking up every few words instead of actually
reading.
I have branched out a lot more though in the books that I read. One of my goals that past couple years has been to say 'yes' to more things. I hate failing, even in the tiniest way, it's crushing to me. Learning mistakes, the things you
have to do to learn things, just being in unfamiliar territory - I kept turning away from opportunities because I was
scared. I hate being scared. Opening myself up to more things has really helped. I've taken two art classes, started tai chi, gone to more social events - I'm just more willing to try. Still terrified, mind you, but it does get easier.
My first time with Colleen (my art teacher) I didn't even talk. Now I debate with her, I talk to my other classmates, I even help with some younger home school students that come in after me. I started tai chi with my mom and I considered stopping when she dropped out - most of my classmates are older than me, and it can make me feel like an outsider - but I'm so glad I kept it up. I enjoy it.
I would've done the exact same thing with the dog. I'm so sorry that happened.
God created animals. It's not too much to hope that they'll be with us later. I would like to see Clancy again.
- Whitney, 9/10/05
Life throws stuff at us. People and choices are colored by the devil and god, depending on who we listen to and what we choose to follow. That's my take on it.
Bill O'Reilly is an egotistical, masoginistic pig who treats women like sex toys. All women. I don't know enough about his politics to 'claw [your] head' over them. Jon Stewart is my political weakness.
- Whitney, 9/24/05
Sinus headache. Either you have some sort of cold, allergy or you've been crying. A good accupressure point for that is over the eyes. Right about the inner corner of each eye is a dent in the bone. Putting pressure on that
will hurt a little bit, but it helps relieve a lot of the pressure.
- Whitney 10/01/05
I will ask him about the emergency supply kits.
- Whitney, 10/09/05
I had a problem for a couple months where I was nauseated all the time. I practically lived off of TUMS. I think it was because of a change in my birth control, though. I'd talk to a doctor, if you haven't already, and take a list of anything that's changed in the time you've been nauseated. I also had a similar problem when I was really depressed.
>>>
- Whitney, 10/17/05
I don't want to disregard medical problems, but that's exactly how I felt when I was really depressed, both mentally and physically.
It's... hard, to say anything because it's not the easiest thing to hear. Mostly because everything you're told either sounds simple, but feels so impossible that you feel like a failure or it just sounds flat out impossible.
What do you think about? I know it can be hard to get from your head to a computer screen, verbalizing is a bitch, but I can promise you that whatever garbled mess you throw at us, we
will do everything we can to understand. And help, if that's you want. But if that's pushing, if all you want is an ear, a void, then that's what we'll be.
-Deb, 10/20/05
Change of scenery can help. Your house, your town, they can start to feel like a prison and you can become very defined by them. Visiting the two of you helps remind me of who I am because I get the chance to see myself through your eyes. I'm not Pat and Karen's daughter, or Jim and Peg's granddaughter, I'm not 'the sick girl' or whatever else people identify me as. I'm just me. You guys bring out the best in me. Having Wenxiao here these last months has been wonderful; I'm so excited about moving to Chicago.
- Whitney, 10/31/05
Yeah, I don't think Jesus minds as long as all we celebrate is candy and ridiculous outfits ;)
- Whitney, 11/20/05
I vote for no Whitney smoking too! If you still are. Which I hope you aren't. Because we're old folk homing together damn it!! Jesus says so.
Really.
;)
- Me, ?? to now
I'm going to keep this.. simplified. Ask questions, please, but I'm fairly sure that if I tried to cover all of it right now my hands would fall off. I rather like my hands despite their shakiness- which is a result of one of my medications. It makes them shaky and it's also drying out the tendons in the back of my hands so it's hard to open them all the way. The tai chi helps though and I've started taking a vitamin that's basically the stuff tendons are made of.
This is kinda hard, I'm sure what you guys know and what's news to you. Umm... Thursdays I have tai chi for hour and a half, two hours. Since no one ever seems to
know what tai chi is, it's a martial art. I practice the solo form, which is a meditative martial art. The two person push hands Is the martial form. It's called 'push hands' but it's really a lot more complicated, and effective, than that - I know how to break someone's back over my leg. There's also a sword form, but you need to practice form for three or four years before you can take up the sword. I
really looking forward to that. *giddy dance*
Fridays I spend in Fort. My mom picks me up around noon for lunch. We usually pick something up and go eat in the park, it's nice. Then I have art from 1-2, but I always stay longer. I now have two people who come in at the same time that I do, Chali and Greg. Chali is 12 and I adore her, we have so much fun. She's absolutely adorable, smart, silly - you guys would love her. Greg is actually the handyman at the museum and a family friend. He's about the same age as my parents, quiet, soft spoken. He also just got out of prison a few months ago. He was in for insider trading, but to paint an odd picture - the chief of police in Fort visited him jail, as a
friend. Confused the hell out of the guards and the other inmates.
Broke up with Justin back in March. He was... abusive. Mentally and emotionally, there wasn't any physical violence. He just treated me horribly. He made fun of me, called my interests stupid, my opinions stupid, and constantly tried to control everything. He was even horrible to Bailey. Whenever I tried to tell him
not to wrestle with Bailey like that or yell at him, he would yell at me. He got mad at me if I didn't behave the way he thought I should, yelling at me when something he said wasn't taken the way he wanted.
He told me he would "allow" me not to be a Catholic if we got married, as if
he had the right to determine my faith. When I got upset with the statement, he blew up at
me because he meant it to be sweet, that he was so willing to not make me convert.
Yes, I let him live. That alone should make me a saint.
He made me feel like a freak because I didn't want to have sex with him. He told me there was something wrong with me, that I should talk to my shrink about it. He got extremely mad at me when I
didn't talk to my shrink about it. But you know what? Now that I'm finally out of the oppression and the fear that he used to control me, I know the truth - he
sucked in bed. I wanted sex, just not with
him. It was uncomfortable and I never got anything out of it, if you know what I mean. Plus it took for damn ever. Two and a half hours once before I just had to say fuck this shit.
I'm seriously looking into a breast reduction. I've found out that a dog is the best execise plan ever. I really want a job. I miss you guys. I miss warmer weather. I
still need chapstick (forgot about that earlier, reference doesn't make sense, I know) But it's my self-imposed bed time. Night loves.
