Peter... it is - he has a random, run-on sentence kind of way of talking. It is sincere, or at least, that's what I believe, but that's not the problem/issue/whatever. I just don't know what to say *back* Do I even have to say anything at all? If I do, is it short, sweet, to the point so I can get it over with or do I go in and actually have a conversation with him?

I thought I'd moved on, I felt like I had, and this is kind of throwing me into a loop. It's over and it's going to stay that way. I have no desire to be his friend or bond over our past, but at the same time I feel really guilty that he still doesn't understand what went wrong. I'm not sure I could explain it any better now because I really tried to then, but the problem is: do I try again?

Does 'let it be' mean I don't have to write back? Because my heart? It's just confused. On one level I don't care, I've moved on, but on the other I'm still stuck feeling like I need to take care of him and explain everything, even if it's something that I don't want to do.

I have to go eat dinner now.

I'm sorry I didn't get back and blog sooner. If I'd only known how much was going on I would have.
The e-mail from Peter is very genuine and I think you should be surprised and satisfied with the fact that he wrote it. Ya'll both needed more closer. Don't let those feelings about the e-mail confuse you though. It's only words and you have to rely on what your heart is telling you. I'm not easy to trust people and I know you're not either, so don't be swindled in by some moment of decency that swept across him. Just take the e-mail for what it is, an apology and peace offering, and let that be that. It'd be for the best, 'cause we all know you got a better thing going on now.

As for Justin's little sexual indiscretions, that's crap on his part. Just pure crap. I know how you feel about not getting the full truth, only half, and then having to deal with the fact that you really can't be mad because it's not like they lied completely. And then, you don't know why you're mad in the first place because all this happened before you, but it still hurts because there's a part of you that's not satisfied with believing in past relationships and how over they are, and what the sex meant to him, it's just blah. I could shit a million bricks and peg every man right in the temple with one.
And Dale...he's just hopeless. Lost his way and hopeless. MAKE UP YOUR MIND DEAR BOY! Why the heck would he call to tell you that? That's so not even necessary, almost cruel.

I'm sorry about the aloneness that's occurring in the fam. You do have a right to be a part of that family. It's you're right. You're their daughter. You shouldn't feel selfish in the least for trying to be close to the people that gave you life and love you. That's just ridiculous. They do need their time together but they also need you....just like you need them. Chat it up with them every chance you get and it wouldn't hurt if you expressed these feelings you're having. You're parents are great people and I think all they've wanted for a long time is to understand you better. Let 'em know you're missing them and their love, and they're sure to be responsive. If not, I'm calling Dr. Phil.

On a lighter note, I think I might have a new addiction and I call this addiction body piercing. I got my tongue done Saturday. I'm tellin' ya, I'm losing it.

Ignore that. Sort of. I'm okay now. Still confused about a lot of those feelings, but not so overwhelmed and that helps, makes them easier to deal with.

We might be getting a new puppy. A Doberman, a little one, just the size of Clancy. Same attitude, too, no guard dogs here. The puppies should be born around December or January so until then it's still pretty up in the air. It would be my dog, though, all mine, so it would go with me when - I'll be nice and say when - I leave. Not sure how that'll work, no dog rules and all, but it's a nice thought.

I don't know if I'll get a boy or a girl or what I'll name it. It all just depends. We saw this raggety little dog when we were driving back up from North Carolina. It was wandering around, looking lost, no tag on, and I wanted to stop and pick it up. Parents said no. I named him Napoleon anyway. It fit.

I'm hurting a lot right now, too much computer time, little nauseated, too. Talk later, okay? I have too many conversations with myself as it is, I'd rather not do it here, too.