Awwww Buggy!! You're back! We've missed you so much. Life isn't the same without a Whitty...everyone should have one. You're like...the biggest, everlasting trend, a permenant tickle-me-Elmo! lol

LOVE YOU GUYS!

Yay!!!! *wild dance of glee* Whitney's back!!! Don't apologize! You're computer is evil, not you!

Hello hello my wonderful girls. I'll blog...and blog big time. I just need to get finished going back through each of ya'lls novels so that I can give feedback and what not, I will write a nice little blog. I miss my girls. And I'm sorry it's been so long.

I have a boyfriend. I - *insane smiles* - have a boyfriend and my boyfriend *rules*!! He makes me happy :)

I still miss Whitney.
I still want to hear from you.
I still don't know what to tell Dr. Stewart - my shrink - about all of this.
I still don't want to go in for oral surgery tomorrow.
I still want Dale to be my friend.
I still don't see how that's possible.
I still don't understand how he can care so little about his two best friends.
I still hate that he won't just let me be happy.
I still wish that he could be happy, too.
I still have all the questions.
I still don't have the answers.
But I've still got time.

We all survived. Long and short of it: Dale ignored me all night until I finally tackled him. He ranted drunkenly about how much he loves me and then went off talking about me and Justin and whatever else popped into his head. Dale and I both started crying as he kept talking. He'd had too much to drink, though, and puked. We had to carry him to the bathroom and I was honestly scared that he was not going to make it. He kept saying that he was nothing and that he wanted to die. Justin took care of him while I kind of sat back and gave moral support since I didn't know what to do. It was really hard on both of us, though, and by the time we went to bed around 3 am, we were both exhausted, physically and emotionally.

Dale doesn't remember any of it. I told him what he said and did, but it's just not the same. I wish he could remember because it's not fair that Justin and me should have to carry this around. A lot of his ranting, most of it really, was directed at the two of us. Some of it was good, he kept saying he loved me and that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, but then he'd go off on how I never really loved him. He'd say Justin was his best friend and that he loved him and then he'd turn around and say bad things about Justin. He kept saying that Justin was honest, but never truthful and that all he wanted was to fuck me. He just kept saying, between bouts of puking, 'you just wanted to fuck Anna! You wanted to fuck Anna!'

Talking to him about it the next night was hard. I was so angry with him and so tired of putting up with all of his crap, but, god help me, I couldn't just say 'fuck it' and walk away. I think he wanted me to. I think he expected me to, like it was something that a lot of other people had done to him. And I didn't. I was blunt and honest and I didn't hide how I felt, but I couldn't just give up on him. He still doesn't want Justin and me to be together, but honestly, I don't give a rat's ass anymore. I'm going to be happy if it fucking kills him because I'm tired of him always standing in the way, making me feel horrid and guilty. I'm not guilty. I didn't do anything wrong. And I'm really glad that I'm in a place in my life where I can say that and mean it.

Other than that, though, the night went pretty well. The only real problem prior to that was him completely ignoring me. The whole party he just looked right through me like I didn't even exist and that hurt. He didn't spend a lot of time around me, though. Olga showed up and they disappeared upstairs to talk and make out - Dale told me. I was downstairs with Justin and everybody else and quite liked it that way. I am still continuously amazed at how comfortable and familiar I feel with Justin. It's like we've been dating for months or years or something, but it's only been a week or two. It's completely fucked up in this really beautiful way. I told him, after we'd put Dale to bed, that I still would have picked him. Even with everything that had happened, if I had it to do all over again, I still would've picked him.

I have to go eat dinner.

I'M HHHHEEEEEERRRRRREEEEE, and you're not :(
How did everything go at Dana's party? Please God tell me everything went fine????
I really hope everything went fine...

I... god.. I'm so worn out right now, in so many ways, and I just really wish I could talk to you.