I don't know. I'm just sitting here, reading when I can, having no clue what to say or think or feel or do. I... yeah. I want to see you guys, but it's in this distant, distorted way, like it's not what I really want, it's just what I know that I should want. And I know that I would want it once I got it, but right now... I either can't work up the energy for it or I'm scared of it or I'm just very, very screwed up. You can take your pick, I don't know, I'm pretty much just leaning at all of the above because I have no frickin clue. I tick. I try to understand why, but the ticking? It's not meant to be understood. It doesn't want to be understood, especially not by me, that would just take away all of the fun.

Deep breath. Attempt at thought. Coherent thought.

Umm...

I don't know?

I have absolutely nothing planned in August, nor do I think it will be a problem scheduling around a trip with the doctor's visits and what not. I really don't think going to Louisiana's going to work. I want to, never been there, never met Damien, it would be a nice change of scenery, but fact is, it would just be plain stupid on my part. I know you've assured me, many times, that it would be a fully air conditioned vendetta, just that little jump between house and car, but I doubt. I doubt that I could take it, even that. I've been doing okay up here so far, but if there's one thing I know about these migraines and this damn cage they've put me in, it's that I can nudge my boundaries, maybe even give them a bit of a push, but the moment I put any real strength behind it, I'm gone. End of story. And I don't want to go and be sick, and I know that you guys don't want that either, I'm just really, really tired of feeling like a drag because all of my friends are forced to work inside my itty bitty boundaries if they want to do anything with me and have me survive intact.

So yeah... make of that what you will, get back to me on it. I'll try to be better about checking this, I spend less and less time on the computer every day, but this is important, you guys are important, so there. I'll try. Hard.

Oh dude...I almost forgot...as of the present moment, Damien and I are still staying at the brother's house, but they said it would be quite fine for y'all to come and stay as long as you want...However, maybe, just maybe and hopefully, by the end of the month, we'll be in our own apartment, which would SO rock dangerously. So yeah, just letting y'all know, in case the rents wanted to know where this big chica party would be.

Ok, how long are you guys wanting to stay? Since Anna, you're game for the end of the month, how are things in the beginning of August for you, because we could always wait until after you're last appointment.

My work schedule is going to be pretty easy to work around since I'm either working, 7-3. 3-11. 11-7. or i'm off, not really hard to do, that leaves plenty of open time for a road trip.

Will I be meeting y'all half-way? or do I need to pick y'all up at Whitter Bug's? No problem either way, just curious as to whether or not I need to ask off for more days, or if Whitty will have her car down here and y'all can come and go as you please, cuz ya know if I'm working, y'all will have to come visit me...I get bored as hell at work. :)

Just let me know guys, I'm open for anytime.

Love y'all big much- come stay as long as you like! hehe